And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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