...so i touched it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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