Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
