Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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