matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
