She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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