She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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