If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize