don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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