Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize