I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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