I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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