I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
