Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
