I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
