didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
