I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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