I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
