I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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