I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
