we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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