last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
