I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
