i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
