Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
