Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
