there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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