does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize