I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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