so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
