Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
