hotel room ftw
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
