I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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