oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
