i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
