Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize