I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
