The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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