When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
