Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
