Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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