I want to stick my p in your. b.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
