I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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