They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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