I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
