I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
