Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
