He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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