her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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