i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
