your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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