turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize