What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
