He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
