You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
