Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
