I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
