You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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