Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
