why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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