It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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