Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
