let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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