Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
