She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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