I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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