Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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