happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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