Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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