Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wish my penis had a tongue
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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