So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
