you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
