At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize