would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
