just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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