She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
