fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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