Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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