I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
