let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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