he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
