Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
