I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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