Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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