No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
