Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
