True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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