I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
