Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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