Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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