Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
