Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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