I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
