I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize