My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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