ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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