i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Found your dick twin last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
