actually, I'm a sock model
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
