I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize