u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
