how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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