So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
