if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
