I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
