You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
