Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
