Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
