Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
