see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
