Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
